Category Archives: Tip

Why I Love Organic Coffee

Here and there, talking with people in person and online, I share why I love organic coffee.  For this, some folks have titled me a ‘coffee snob’ — inaccurate but acceptable — and once you read my reasons I think you’ll understand why I disagree and believe that organic beans are best.

Sure, I can tell you that I’m not a very good morning person, that I like the taste of coffee — all the usual “I like coffee” tag-lines, but that’s aside the point.  I could also get cavalier and tell you how I can drink gallons of it all day — but that’s not true any more.  Yeah, there was a time that I’d have cups throughout the day — now — my limit is 2 … more than that and I don’t even like me.  I can’t even drink it past 5PM or I have problems sleeping … so while I’d love a fresh cup with that slice of pie, I’m going to have to pass.
(Despite all this, I still think that a coffee IV drip / alarm clock is a magnificent concept!)

So let’s get down to why I love organic coffee …

I used to buy the bulk container of inexpensive name-brand coffee grounds.  It was cheap and the flavour was consistent — and with any luck the can came in handy afterwards.

For me, after 5 or 6 months of drinking this stuff, I’d get what felt like a terrible sinus infection.  It felt as though I wanted to climb the wall with my face.  Every time it occurred I thought I was coming down with something … until I remembered.  Apparently some of us — including me — need to take a break from coffee from time to time.  I know what you’re saying, “Oh god, the headaches!!!”  But before we get too much into that, let’s take a look at how mass-produced commercial coffee is grown, and see if we can figure out why people get headaches when they go off coffee.

As I understand it …

Coffee plants are supposed to grow in the shade, so they grow slow.  Big companies often don’t do “slow” — they want a lot and they want it Now … because they want to make a lot of money and fast.  These large food producing companies clear-cut acres upon acres of land to grow coffee — meaning that it is in the full sun where it is also easy to access (none of those pesky trees getting in the way of their harvesting equipment).  Either to compensate for the full-sun issue, or to make more coffee / money / now, they use fertilizers and pesticides.  Later various other not-coffee ‘ingredients’ are used in processing their beans, preservatives and such.

Think about it …
Fertilizers, pesticides, and preservatives are in your mass-produced coffee — and when you go off that coffee you get headaches.  When I go off of organic coffee, I don’t get headaches.  Organic coffee doesn’t use fertilizers, pesticides, and preservatives.  So what do you think it is giving you headaches?  As I can tell … it’s not the coffee, beans, or grounds.

So back when I had the ‘sinus infection’ sensation every 5 to 6 months, how did I get rid of it?  I’d give my body a chance to detox from the stuff.  Stop coffee for 1-2 weeks.  Dealt with a whopper of a headache for 1-2 days.  Drank plenty of water.  Tried to get some simple exercise in like walking.  All things that gave my body — and my aching head and face — and opportunity to flush everything out.

I started getting together with a friend of mine for breakfast once a month.  We both lead busy lives, however she was able to schedule making a substantial breakfast at her place every few weeks.  With that, she would serve coffee that had incredible flavour.  When I asked her about it, she said that it was from freshly ground organic beans.  She said something about it being better for your body, but I didn’t give it much thought at the time — to me, coffee was coffee and this stuff was good!

While that was my introduction to organic coffee, I don’t remember when I switched to buying organic beans and drinking it regularly myself*.  I noticed some changes, and I was pleased…
(*When I launched WIBC, this was one ingredient I insisted upon along with the other quality ingredients I used — and still use — in making my cookies.)

I still get the ‘sinus’ issue — but it is lighter and it occurs further apart.  The detox is easier and shorter — about 5 to 7 days.  When I skip coffee on any given day, no headache (could it be that my body isn’t addicted to any fertilizers, pesticides, or preservatives and I’m not quitting them cold-turkey?).  Something I’ve also noticed is that my coffee doesn’t get acidic after sitting around for a while — not in my pot, and not in my stomach if I’ve delayed getting lunch.  I’ll still have a cup of commercial-bean coffee — I don’t let my organic switch rule my life — if someone offers me coffee I don’t ask if it’s organic and decline if it isn’t.  So I get some commercial product here and there, that doesn’t affect me.  Instead, most of the time, I consume organic coffee and my body is much happier for it.

Is organic coffee for you?  I don’t know — try switching for a while, see what it does for you.  In the process you might also find that you’re consuming a tastier, natural product.

Want to know how to make a great cup of coffee?

Make Your Own Darn Good CookiesThe longest section in my debut recipe book, Make Your Own Darn Good Cookies, explains how to get the most use out of a French press.  This is one of the best ways to make coffee — it takes patience, and it’s worth it.

This book presents over 50 proven recipes — cookies, beverages, breakfast items, and main-course comfort foods.  Read more about my book here on my site, order a copy online, available through most major retailers in e-book format, and ask for it by name through your favourite bookstore and local library.

Quarantine Baking

HEY GANG!

My April 2020 Recipe Of The Month is uploaded to my website — grab my March recipe while you still can!

As it happens, with just standard baking ingredients most of us keep stocked at home — where many of us are at right now — the upcoming April recipe is well timed.  It’s simple, fun, and takes no special kitchen implements to make — coco powder, powdered sugar, and a hand mixer is about as fancy as this gets! Quarantine

WITH FOLKS BEING COUPED UP IN
QUARANTINE-VILLE…

fortune cookies
Imagine making your own custom fortunes…

I am considering posting a recipe for some big, soft Ginger Snaps I recently made. Dang if those things didn’t disappear within 24 hours…  This could give everyone another activity and something tasty to take the edge off. Watch this website, Twitter @WIBakingCo, and my Facebook page for announcement of this recipe-post. Quarantine

With some luck I will be trying a modified version of this recipe later today — as a Ginger Snap Biscotti. I’ve also been looking to experimenting with making (flavoured?) fortune cookies lately ….

But things have been busy here in
The Apocalypse…

arnold schwarzeneggerBaking has taken a bit of a back-seat lately. Everyone in the house here is dealing with some medial stuff — no, it’s not the virus or a toomah. I’m the most healthy and able person so I’m carrying a bit more of the work around here. Add to that… the pump on our well is threatening to go out any day, the well-guy has a Corona-reduced staff, so we’re working to establish temporary water supplies. ALL GOOD FUN when already juggling the adjustments that come with quarantine life (YAY!) — but we’re keeping our chins up and plowing forward. To that end…

WHILE YOU ARE DEALING WITH
WHATEVER IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW…

TP for your bunghole!I encourage you to do everything you can to take care of yourself, your family, your friends, and your neighbors.  Strive even to be extra-kind to everyone you meet when/if you are out & about — yes, even when you’re fighting over toilet paper. I know it’s tricky, but please do your best. This can be as simple as picking up the phone to call folks — just ask how they are. I’ve been doing this and it’s amazing the relief you can bring to someone when you present something so simple and so human. Quarantine

BagpiperDon playing smallpipes on a Washington State FerrySince Friday I have taken to playing mini-concerts with my Scottish Smallpipes on Facebook and YouTube. A number of authors have been reading their books and musicians playing music online, livestreaming to give a little comfort and respite. So far I’ve played three times since March 20th and I plan to keep going. Smallpipes are more somber than what you’re used to seeing in parades. I’ve been playing tunes from an album I have planned and the traditional sheet music book I’m close to publishing, including Scot/Irish recipes. I play and talk about my books. I hope you’ll join me, please look for BagpiperDon on Facebook and Twitter, for announcements of when I’m going to play. Quarantine

Keep your chins up, be good to your self and do good for others, and we’ll all get through this together!

Best, Don

Make Your Own Darn Good CookiesPS — For a limited time my debut recipe book Make Your Own Darn Good CookiesIS ON SALE on Amazon I have priced the paperback version of my book roughly 25% off WORLDWIDE.  You’re home, make something nice for yourself and your loved ones.

Also, ask for Make Your Own Darn Good Cookies by name at your favourite bookshop.

DIY Audiobook Recording

NOTE — I wrote this post a number of weeks before publishing and at present it is unfinished.  The feedback I received from my previous similar-post is that I had a well written article with good information.  If this is the case, I would rather have this +90% article published and potentially helping people VS sitting in the unpublished private section of my site.  You will see the unfinished sections in red-bold font.  Please check back for updates. ~ Don 

You might remember when I recently published a blog post titled “Record Your Own Audiobook“.  From time to time I see authors online who what it would take for them to record their book themselves.  A few years ago I researched becoming an audiobook narrator.  While I am no expert, and I am yet to wade into these professional waters, I learned a lot.  I thought to write this primer so that other authors can understand what will be ahead, and to consider if this venture is right for them.

Originally I had the idea of narrating my recipe book “Make Your Own Darn Good Cookies” while talking with my editor.  Something registered in a moment of shared laughter – as a musician* I have recording gear, I’m obviously literate, and I’m told that I have a decent voice.  What was funny to me was the idea of a recipe book in audiobook form.  Who would do that?  … and soon after I started finding other recipe books that were available in playback form.
*My musical endeavours include BagpiperDon, Nae Regrets, and Archive Of Resonance.

So assuming that you are totally new to the idea of recording your audiobook yourself, here we go …

Studio

You will need to find a decent location to record.  With any luck you can do this in your own home, but what is most important is how the space sounds.  You need a room without noise, noises, or noise intrusion.  What we’re going to talk about here is not going to produce an ideal studio but something that ought to be workable and affordable.

Noise Intrusion

Disliked or unwanted sounds are what we tend to call ‘noise’.  Trust me on this ‘unwanted/disliked sound’ concept — I am a musician and I’ve heard it from folks on good days — it is an opinion.  Things you can hear from inside your intended recording space that are unwanted are intrusive noise.  When you’re recording, if you have housemates, you are going to need have them not run vacuums, TVs, or anything outside of your studio that you can hear inside.  A car racing up the street blaring a stereo is going to require you to stop and start over from before the interruption.  You can do a few things to mitigate these problems, but if there are too many ‘unwanted sounds’ where you want to record, you’re going to have to get resourceful and find somewhere else that might be available to you.  You might be able to make arrangements with churches, offices, or other places.  You might also need to offer a trade, hopefully putting the establishment in the acknowledgements section of your audiobook will suffice.

Room Noises

Go into the room you plan to use.  Turn on the lights, your computer, the heating or air conditioning, whatever it is you think you’re going to have going in your space while recording. Get quiet, close your eyes, whatever you need to do – the important thing is that you listen!

Do you hear the light?  The heater or AC?  Do you have a phone in the room?  Can you hear a fan on your computer?  Whatever it is, you need to identify these and make adjustments.  Change what lights you’re going to use.  Instead of reading your manuscript on a computer, print it out or put it on an e-reader.  Sit in your chair and listen – does the chair creak, does the floor?  Make adjustments, get quiet, listen, make adjustments as necessary.  This is also a good time to listen for intrusive noises again.

Something else to think about – and this may come from what I know about recording music – is if anything with your clothing is making noise.  The soles of your shoes … body shifts making garment sounds … jingly jangly jewelry … anything.  Take off your shoes, wear soft clothes, remove those flashy bits of metal.

Also think about anything that might be in the room that you’re okay with, that you think might add character to your recording, that you might think the people listening to your audiobook would enjoy.  Perhaps you plan to read on your couch next to the fire while your cat comfortably languishes on your lap.  You might think that’s nice, but your customer might get rather distracted from your reading hearing intermittent purring, surprising pops and cracks from the fire, or yourself shifting around on that couch that you didn’t notice has a squeak until you recorded on it.  Remember that your end-customer is going to be listening for numerous hours – the more that is a pleasant experience for them the more likely they are to finish your audiobook and listen to your next one.

A Room Without Noise

Some of what will affect the quality of your recording is the character of your room.  If there is an echo in the room there will be an echo in your recording.  In some cases a little echo is good, but in most cases it is bad.  If you need an echo it’s better to put it in during post production; if you have an echo in your source recording it is difficult if impossible to remove it.

So how do you identify a room with an echo and how do you fix it?  First, you cross your fingers that your efforts will help, then get to work…

The best way I know to identify an echo in a room is to go in, get quiet, and clap!  Listen for an echo.  If there is a substantial echo, you might want to experiment with other rooms the same way.  If you only noticed a slight echo then it’s time to roll up your sleeves.  Put down an area rug if the floor is a hard surface.  When it comes to the walls, irregular surfaces should help to cut down sound – bookshelves, couches, et cetera.  If you still need to cut down some bouncing auditory wavelengths, hang some blankets on the walls – loose is better than flat.

Recording Gear, Software,
& Your Computer

While recording directly to a computer is an option, it isn’t my preference.  I rather use my portable recording gear and a microphone.  Let’s take a look at both…

Computer

If you are going to record directly to a computer you’re probably going to need a few things.  Likely any microphone on-board a portable computer will be inadequate.  A traditional microphone will not connect to your computer without some sort of interface.  Microphones that that are better than your on-board mic and will plug into your mic/line-in port (3.5mm headphone jack) are available and quite affordable.  I have one I purchased for $50 – generally, but not always, the more you spend the better you get.  You are also going to need software … and learn to use it at least at a basic level … and get your computer, mic, and software all to work together.  I’ll talk about a few software options at the end of this section, including 1-3 that are free.

Recording Gear

These days the recording gear available on the market is relatively affordable and produces high quality recordings.  There are a number of brands, models, and prices available.

When I started shopping my options I got turned on to Zoom products.  I already had one of their MRT-3b drum machines; I was impressed with its ease of use and overall performance.  Getting a Zoom H4 recording unit was an easy choice.  I now have a H4n (about $300) and H2n (about $200).  Both of these are intuitive to use after a short amount of time with the manuals, have solid state memory, on-board microphones, and use wall or battery power.  Transferring my recordings to my computer is just a matter of a USB cable or pulling the SD card out of the recording unit – USB is faster and easier.

When it comes to choosing which unit to record with I would be content to use the H2n with its onboard mics set to L/R stereo (it can record 4 channel).  My preference, however, would be to use my H4n.  While it has stereo mics I would attach one of my voice mics (with cables I have about $300 invested between new and used elements).  Each of these units will record in various audio formats.  Understanding that your audiobook will be recorded for distribution first and foremost in CD format, you will want to set your unit for WAV at (FIDELITY?).  When this gets converted to download format it will be converted to MP3 (FIDELITY?).  (You may want to give some further thought to your recording fidelity in the event you are featuring music or sound effects behind your narration.)

Mics, Cables, and Pop Filters
I HAVEN’T WRITTEN THIS YET

… and if you get a mic you’re going to want a mic stand — because you will quickly tire of holding a mic.  Also, learn about how to position your mic for optimum performance.  With the most common style of microphone, people will often talk into these like they are licking the side of an ice cream cone — that would be wrong and the pick-up is usually poor — align the body of the mic perpendicular to your mouth and Go For It!  However, ideally you would be using a different style of microphone and you need to learn where its field of pick-up is.  Ask your salesperson, read the manual, look on the box, look it up online, sometimes the sound diagram is indicated on the microphone body, ask questions.

Software & Your Computer … and noise

Whether you record on a separate unit, like those above, or on your computer you are going to need studio software.  While there are industry standards (like Cubase and Pro Tools), they tend to be expensive – and you have to learn at least the minimum to make them function to produce an audiobook.  Another option is Audacity, which is free and fairly straightforward to operate.  Depending on your operating system, you may already have some studio software (Apple Garage Band, Linux Ubuntu) available to you.  When you are done recording your book you’re also going to need to use your studio software to fix your mistakes – connecting up your takes and re-takes when you stumbled on words or any other mistakes you will make (in the business these edits are known as punch-ins).

Make sure that your computer can handle the studio software.  If you are recording directly to your computer you will also need to make sure that it can handle both the data speed while recording and has the storage space for your audio files.  Another thing to consider if you are recording directly to a computer is any noise it makes.  It may produce fan noise, which is difficult to mask – and if you do mask this noise it can also be at the risk of making your machine overheat.  If you intend to read your manuscript from your computer you may also be dealing with noise from your keyboard.  Again, this is why I prefer working with autonomous recording units.  Also, I like the idea of having my manuscript printed out on paper over being on an e-reader.  The reason for this is that I can write cues or annotations, or use coloured pens so I can see what’s coming in the reading.  And when it’s all done, the paper can be recycled – even better, use the backs of all the pages for note paper first.

Practical Work
& Time Involvement

So now you’re ready to put the ‘personal touch’ on your audiobook just like Carrie Fisher.  But how do you speak when reading your book aloud?  You could get yourself some voice lessons, just like Princess Carrie had – but many of us don’t have the time or budget for this … and yet you do want to do a good job.  So what do we do?  We go to the internet!

Do some research online.  Even if you are not looking to become a professional audiobook narrator there is quite a bit of information from the pros that applies to folks like you and me.  I suggest reading articles on Karen Commins &/or Paul Strikwerda‘s websites.  Also, listen to podcasts about audiobook narration on Joanna Penn’s website (7 Reasons to Narrate your Own Audiobooks with Joanna Penn).

Get your hands on some audiobooks narrated by top-notch readers.  Look for big names like Scott Brick and Dick HillWil Wheaton from Star Trek Next Generation has also done a lot of work.  Listen to these narrators objectively for how they read – how they emote, how they develop different characters, and how they pace their reading.  Take some cues from these examples and practice reading yourself.

A professional audiobook narrator takes around 4 hours to read what produces 1 finished hour of material.  ‘Finished’ means audio that has been fixed up — re-recordings for misspoken words, interruptions (grumbling hungry tummy, bathroom breaks?), et cetera.  The average romance or sci-fi novel will be 8 to 9 hours of finished recorded material — so let’s assume 9.  4 hours per hour X 9 finished hours = 36 hours of work ….. for a professional.

Be prepared that you will probably take longer than a professional audiobook narrator.  Most authors reading their own work will take longer to complete the project than an experienced professional.  We know how our books sound to us and we will read, re-read, and edit the audio until it sounds right.  Remember one of the sayings I’ve picked up – “Don’t let ‘good’ be the victim of ‘great’.

Anyone reading out loud needs to pace themselves.  Vocal fatigue will take its course, so don’t plan to read for 8 hours at a go – not even the professionals do this!  If there is a 1:4 ratio involved in reading and fixing up the recordings, perhaps figure on recording for 15 minutes and then fixing the audio for 45-60 minutes.  This will give your voice a chance to rest; also, if you are scheduling your time around your day-job and personal life, this will help you to cut off a reasonable chunk every day.

When your recording is complete it needs to get mastered.  Mastering is a part of post production where the audio is retouched to sound its best and then transferred from the original source to the master — the data source which will be used to produce all copies of the final product.

While it is not unheard of for an author to record their own audiobook, from what I’ve seen it isn’t common.  If you’re like me, I like it when I can listen to the author read their own book.

I hope this helps — Good Luck!
Don

Record Your Own Audiobook?

Last week on Twitter one of the authors I’m connected with posed a question about audiobooks — a question I run into from time to time.  C.S. Ratliff wrote “#writingcommmunity How risky is it to record your own audiobook?”  A few years back I did a considerable amount of research toward becoming an audiobook narrator — so I took some time to reply to his question.

To to be specific, Mr. Ratliff asked about the ‘risk’ involved with an author recording themselves reading their own book.  As said — he asked about the risk, not what’s involved to accomplish the recording — so I would like to come back to this topic at the end of the article.

So what’s involved …

BagpiperDonI first got the idea of narrating my recipe book, Make Your Own Darn Good Cookies — frankly — having a laugh with my editor!  It all makes sense though…  As a musician* I already have more than enough recording gear…  Obviously, I’m literate…  Last, but not least, I’m told that I have a good voice.  Outside of that, you just need to find a decent sounding location — a room without noise or other things like echos.
* As music and audio things go I am also @BagpiperDon, @NaeRegrets, and @AOResonance and I do all the recording for those projects.

Studio

Home StudioOne option is to record in a studio.  A studio like what musicians use to record albums are not only more than what you need, they are also really expensive!  The last I checked — which was 1-2 decades ago — if you could find something around $100/hr that was on the inexpensive end.  This is what motivated me to get my own gear and learn how to use it for recording my albums.

If you check around you might be able to find someone with a small home-studio.  While this would be ideal it can have a lot of variables.  First, assuming this is not a friend who’s happy to spend their time recording you for the sake of friendship and dinners, the expense is quite likely prohibitive for most of us.  If this is not a friend’s home, then you’re going to be spending quite a bit of time in someone else’s abode — and that can get awkward.  Depending on who you’re dealing with, it may be a perfectly workable studio but also could be a dump.

MONEY!Calculate this…
A professional audiobook narrator takes around 4 hours to read what produces 1 finished hour of material.  ‘Finished’ means audio that has been fixed up — re-recordings for misspoken words, interruptions (hungry tummy, bathroom breaks?), et cetera.  The average romance or sci-fi novel will be 8 to 9 hours of finished recorded material — so let’s assume 9.  4 hours per hour X 9 finished hours = 36 hours of work ….. for a professional (I’ll come back to the difference between a professional and an author doing the reading).  The last I checked, an audiobook narrator who is new to the business costs $42/finished hour of recording.  So that 9 hours of finished recording (for this part of the work) will cost you $378.  So your nearly-40 hours of work — providing you can do the work of a professional — saves you nearly $400.  How does that compare to a week’s pay in your day-job?

So if you have the money or a friend and you use a studio of one sort or another, when your recording is complete it needs to get mastered.  Mastering is a part of post production where the audio is retouched to sound its best and then transferred from the original source to the master — the data source which will be used to produce all copies of the final product.

Recording Gear, Software, and Recording Space

Zoom H2n
Zoom H2n

Instead of paying a professional you could buy recording gear.  These days there is gear available on the market that is easy to use, relatively affordable, and will produce high quality recordings.  I’ve seen some authors online say that ‘all it takes is buying a microphone’.  You can find microphones that will plug directly into your computer … but … does your computer make any (fan) noise?  If you’re reading your manuscript on your computer at the same time, does your keyboard make noise?  Do you have fast and large enough data storage?

I have a Zoom H2n and H4n.  Both of these have solid state memory, on-board microphones, and the option of using wall or battery power.  Providing I had a good space to record in, I would be content to use the H2n.  Since I have a number of good voice-mics I would attach one to my H4n — while this would probably produce a better recording, mostly I would go with this option simply because I have the gear.  I spent about $500 to get these 2 recording units — I use them frequently and for various applications.  Remember that $400 amount earlier?  Is this a purchase that makes sense to you for something you might only use once, or with publication of each book?

Whether you record on a separate unit, like those above, or on your computer you are going to need studio software.  While there are industry standards (like Cubase and Pro Tools), they tend to be expensive — and you have to learn at least the minimum to make them function to produce an audiobook.  Another option is Audacity, which is free and fairly straightforward to figure out how to operate.  When you’re done recording your audio you’re also going to need to use your studio software to fix your mistakes — connecting up your takes and re-takes when you stumbled on words or any other mistakes you will make (in the business these edits are known as punch-ins).

Still, when your recording is completed you are going to need to get it mastered — but that doesn’t address if you should or shouldn’t make your own recording….

To Record Or Not To Record — That Is The Question

Shakespeare's SkullI wrote earlier that Mr. Ratliff asked about the risk involved with an author recording their own audiobook.  I’m frankly not clear what he means with regard to risk, but I have a few ideas …

While it is not unheard of for an author to record their own audiobook, from what I’ve seen it isn’t common.  One famous example of this was Carrie Fisher.  She self-narrated six of her books — among those Wishful Drinking earned her a Grammy Award nomination in 2009, and The Princess Diarist winning a Grammy in 2018.  To be fair, Carrie Fisher had her Star Wars fame behind her and The Princess Diarist was awarded 13 months after her death (<– think about that for a moment).

One of the things that was in Ms. Fisher’s favour is that she had a considerable amount of voice training since getting into acting.  Most authors don’t have this.  She also knew how to make characters, which if you’re reading fiction you need to do with your voice.  Also, you don’t read for an audiobook at the same pace as you read.

There are other various benefits — and detriments — to the author being the voice behind their own book.

  • It puts the ‘personal touch’ on the audiobook.
  • Most authors reading their own work will take longer to complete the project than an experienced professional.  We know how our books sound to us and we will read, re-read, and edit the audio until it sounds right.
  • Another benefit to using a professional is that they will get the job done while you are working on your writing.

So Is Self-Recording Right For You?

ThinkingNo one can answer that question but you.  It’s not impossible but for most authors it’s more work than they care to bite off.  This should help give you things to consider and know about.

If you want to do more research go online!  Even if you are not looking to become a professional audiobook narrator there is quite a bit of information that applies from the pros.  I suggest you start with reading Karen Commins &/or Paul Strikwerda‘s websites.

I hope this helps — Good Luck!
Don

PS — This article “Do it Yourself: A 10-Step Guide to Self-Publishing an Audiobook” was written a little over 2 years ago.  It’s a bit out of date however I think it still asks some important questions to consider.

Cookies … In … SSPPAAACCEE!!!

Pigs in Space
(Twitter @TheMuppets)

Do you remember The Muppets?  Do you remember “Pigs In Space!“?  If you do then you understand where the title of this post comes from.

Do you remember when NASA astronaut Kjell Lindgren played Amazing Grace on a set of McCallum bagpipes from the International Space Station in 2015?  It was the first time Highland bagpipes were Played In SSSSPPPAAAACCCCEEEE!!!!  (Sorry, had to do that again… here’s a great article about it though!)
(Twitter @astro_kjell, @nasa, and @mccallumbagpipe)

Are you aware that the first cookies have been baked in space and were brought back on Earth?

© Christina Koch Twitter
Image © Christina Koch / Twitter @Astro_Christina

Astronauts aboard the International Space Station (@Space_Station) baked dough brought from Earth just in time for Christmas 2019.  Five cookies were prepared over the course of 2 hours using an experimental Zero G oven — the first oven designed to work in the microgravity environment.  The astronauts’ mission was to figure out exactly how long it takes to properly bake a cookie in space.  The first four cookies baked at 300F (149C).  The first cookie was in for  25 minutes and came out underbaked.  The fifth cookie was baked at 325 F (165 C).
(Here’s an article about Space Cookies!)

Houston, we have a bake-off!

SpaceX Dragon
The SpaceX Dragon, on twitter @spacexdragon

Yes, we finally know what happens when you bake cookies in space!  The cookie dough and oven launched to the station in November on a Northrop Grumman Cygnus spacecraft and returned Jan. 7 on the SpaceX Dragon — possibly making these the most well traveled cookie dough, oven, and cookies in the history of mankind!
(@NGCNews)

SPACE …
The Cookie & Bagpipe Frontier!

BiscottiDon
Me as BiscottiDon @WIBakingCo

If you are not hearing the music to Star Trek, go back and read that again… (@StarTrek)

I would like to respectfully point out to both NASA Administrator Jim Bridenstine (@JimBridenstine) and Elon Musk (@elonmusk) of SpaceX that they wasted money — and when it comes to space travel, that equals A LOT OF MONEY!  Trust me on this, I’m a small business owner, I cannot afford to waste money.

BagpiperDon
Me as BagpiperDon @BagpiperDon

As we all know I am both a skilled baker and published author on the subject and established Highland bagpiper who has published albums playing my instrument.

Okay — we can all see where this is going — TWO BIRDS, ONE STONE!!!

I’m not one to hold grudges*, therefore I wish to make the offer to both NASA Administrator Jim Bridenstine and Elon Musk of SpaceX that they may compete — as they already are — to be the first entity to send a Highland bagpiping baker into space.  As an added skill I can even eat cookies in space.  My contact information is below.  I am willing to bring some of my own baking equipment and I already play a set of McCallum bagpipes (sponsorship?).  Let’s make “The First Biscotti In Space”!
(*Okay, that’s not 100% accurate, but this is how I’m spinning it.)

Respectfully ~ Don

BakerDon Contact & Press Kit (@WIBakingCo)

BagpiperDon Contact & Musician Resume (@BagpiperDon)
(Please note that I have performed in front of a US President — I am an ideal candidate!)

PS — I need employment.